Who are you people?

I've developed a disturbing trend. Its disturbing because of what I spent so much of my life doing, that being, a soldier. One takes up the uniform and weapon of America's army because one is called to it and stays over 20 years and retires because they are duty bound to do it. You stay because you accept the burden of protecting all of the peoples and all of the lands and of course the sanctity of the Constitution. Its nearly religious in its depth and energy. When you retire from the military a loss of this central purpose is one of the problems you must overcome.

I think I'm over that loss of purpose. Now, I'm trying hard to not feel like I wasted all those years of my life.

What has become of this country? I don't recognize it anymore. The America of my youth seems like something from a dream, like it never happened or could happen. I have no sense of kinship with anyone outside my home state. I look with general disgust at the rest of the country. I would no more shed blood on behalf of someone in New York then I'd get a root canal with no pain killers. We no longer share any connection. What do I have in common with someone from California other then our living in America? Shared experiences you might say, but no, not even those exist. Someone from Oregon is as alien to me as someone from Croatia.

On second thought, I defended my family all those years. That will just have to do I guess because what else could I do.

Visitors so late, wonder who it could be? OBL

I have a confession, and I'm hoping I'm not the only one. When I heard OBL was dead, I wasn't all that concerned. It was a "meh" moment as my son might say. What effect has this guy really had on the enemies war effort? I have my doubts that he has had any effect other then his own symbolic leadership. So when I woke up and saw the deck apes had got him, I wasn't doing a jig or praising some religious honcho or anything. I just went back to getting ready for work, nothing had really changed. The long war continues, one symbol is dead but another will step up and take his place, of this I have no doubts at all. The religion of perpetual rage will continue unabbetted in its desire to turn back the clock to the middles ages, and we will continue to resist this idiot thinking. Celebrate later, tie your boots tight, and adjust your ruck straps, stay focused because the enemy is still there waiting on their chance to meet Allah. Be a good trooper and oblige them, its the neighborly thing to do.

All Better Now

I went and saw the Doc. We have several Docs on staff where I work and I strolled into the office of the eldest Doc and asked for a minute of his time. 1 Hr and 25 minutes later I walked out feeling a bit better. he said the things I thought he would say, PTSD, stress, stunted emotional response, to much compartmentalizing. It all made sense to me so I let him ask his questions and give me his answers. I never gave much thought to most of it before but I concede that maybe I was wrong in that so I'm trying hard to do what he said to do. What did he say to do? Oddly enough, laugh more, cry some and just lighten up. I am....serious to be polite. Intense may be more accurate. So, saying lighten up made sense, because its just not something I do. The logic seems sound. I do feel better, its like he gave me permission not to give a shit about every little detail anymore. Its kinda liberating to be honest. My beautiful wife of 28 years dropped a large bowl of chopped, and sugared strawberries, all ready for application to some very nice vanilla ice cream, right square in the middle of the kitchen floor last night. I can confirm the blast radius of strawberries is about 3 meters. What a mess. There was a time when I would have stressed about it, I would have worried about the waste of 13 dollars worth of strawberries, but last night, I laughed my ass off for a good 10 minutes. It felt great! The shadows seemed to slide further away with each passing second of just plain silly laughter. Doc is right and I am man enough to admit it. Besides I got to clean the strawberries off her legs, she's got great legs so all ends well and is well.

Time Catches Even The Fleetest of Foot

There's something wrong with me. I don't mean like cancer or something like a disease which makes people gasp and cover their mouth. I mean in my head. No, I don't want to kill puppies or anything like that but none-the-less there is something going on up there and I don't like it one bit. It took 25 years for it to catch me, 25 years of me believing I had it all comfortably tucked away behind all that junk in my mind. It was suppose to be buried behind my first bike and the time I dropped a coke bottle and cut my fingers trying to clean it up. Its a bad thing and bad things are tenacious and thorough. It took 25 years for it to surface but here it is and I don't know what to do about it. When I close my eyes I see them and I hear them and sometimes I smell them. I feel the panic like it is happening all over again and I feel the stomach churning that comes with that set of sorrows. I see their faces and I hear their screams and it rends at my very soul. Sleeping is becoming increasingly difficult because that's when it all comes back the strongest. I will awake, sweaty, winded and looking for cover and concealment. Three, sometimes four times a night. I was so smug when we came back, the others cried and yelled but not me. I was made of ice and rolled steel. Nothing could phase me, I was the perfect Scout. Look at them, I thought, they wallow in weakness, but not me, I am impervious to all this emotional nonsense. I was so foolish, and now my chickens have returned to roost. I don't know why I write this now, maybe I need to tell someone. My wife doesn't know and I wouldn't dream of telling my friends, but maybe I need to tell someone even if its a someone I will never really meet. I'm tired and I really need more rest so as to marshal the strength to but this crap back in the ground. I am Finrod, and Finrod doesn't do this stuff. Thank You for listening.

Psst Look Here, This is Quality Stuff

For Spockgirl and any other foodies who may be lurking about. I give you Coq Au Vin or Chicken and Wine in English. This recipe is a sort of test of French cooking skills, but here I've reduced it to something easy and fun to make. By the way, it smells incredible as it cooks.

Crockpot Coq Au Vin

Part One

8 Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs

1 ¾ Cups Red Wine

1 Cup Chicken Broth

1 Teaspoon Salt

½ Teaspoon Black Pepper

3 Cloves of Garlic Chopped Fine

8 Ounces Baby Carrots

8 to 10 Pearl Onions (Use the real ones from the produce dept, they taste better then the canned kind)

6 Strips of Bacon Cooked and Chopped or Crumbled

Bouquet Garnier

This is either a pack of herbs wrapped in cheese cloth or in a Tea Ball, I use a Tea Ball, anyway, put 2 sprigs (or 3 Teaspoons of Chopped) Parsley, 2 Bay leaves and 2 teaspoons of Thyme in your Bouquet.

Put all of this in your crockpot or slow cooker and put it on low heat. Now….walk away. It needs to cook for 6 hours. Your house is gonna smell marvelous….

Part Two

Remove the bouquet after the 6 hours have passed; make a mix of 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour and 2 tablespoons water. Remove any grease from the top, thighs have allot of fat and this may not even be necessary but check. Add 8 or 16 ounces of button mushrooms (Depends on how much you like mushrooms) and your water and flour mixture. Stir gently and cook on the high setting for 30 minutes. It will thicken and smell even better. Traditionally this is served with potatoes but it’s basically a stew so those aren’t really needed. It’s also traditionally served in a large low soup dish which I do recommend. Cook or get some French bread (For sopping the sauce) and enjoy. You’ve now cooked one of French Cooking’s great tests of skill, Coq Au Vin or Chicken and Wine. But don’t tell a Frenchman how you did it, the shock would kill them.

Thanks Brother

Had a death in the family. My wife's only brother. I'm not sure why I qualify him that way but it seems the natural thing to say. Chuck was a good guy and I liked him because he seemed to like me. He wasn't a saint by any means, and lived a very hard life for the first half but he got pretty close to being right for the second half. So, I give him his due and thank him for the time he spent here and what he did in that time. I have always had a problem with grief, the problem being that my father beat the whole grief thing outta me as a child. Good training for my years as a soldier but piss poor for my years as a human being, father and husband. People cry and I get confused. Why do they cry, tears will change nothing, but that doesn't seem to stop them. I think it brings a release, a release from the pain. I used to wonder where my release was, but I think I have been given a gift of sorts. When they cry they need someone to watch over them, to do the laundry and shopping and cooking and make the calls they hate to make, I am that someone. So I'll hug them and bring them food and nod when they weep because that's what I do. I've got your back. So I'll grieve in my own way and say, thanks Chuck, you were a good brother in law, I am truly glad to have known you. Now I have to run to the commissary buts it ok because dinner will be one of my best recipes.

"Where did all the Republicans go....long time passing"

Lets spend a minute talking about the SOTU or the State of the Union Address if your not all cool and stuff and this ridiculous seating nonsense. Look Republicans, the issue is simple. The democrats got their ass handed to them by those silly voters, in part, because they did a whole laundry list of stuff the voters clearly said they didn't want them to do. N0w they are trying to do a 180 and show those same voters that they are the party of inclusion and understanding. One of the first things you learn as a soldier is, NEVER DO WHAT THE BAD GUYS WANT!!!! If the left wants to sing kumbyah (sp?), then let them do it by themselves on their side of the aisle. Do not enable them any further and do not validate anything they want or say. If a leftist tard says the sky is blue, argue with them that it is actually white and the blue is an optical illusion. Guys, you won, act like it, and if thats too much, we can arrange for your replacement.

Maybe It Won't Be So Bad

Maybe we should be number 2 in the world. No, stop and think about that. I have a buddy who fixes things. People always glad-hand him when he fixes their things and says "You're the man!", where as he responds with "Nope, I'm the Guy, the Man has too many responsibilities and rules. Everybody wants to have a Guy." Perhaps this should be our national strategy. Lets be "The Guy", not "The Man".

What has our status really done for us lately? Pretty much nothing. Some shithole gets a flood and what do the cameras show, some guy yelling about "Where is the Americans?" Nobody asks where the chicoms are or when the chicoms are sending aid. We have shed blood, sweat, and tears for the world. No nation or collection of nations has sacrificed so much for others as has America and what has it gotten us? Not a damn thing but a validation of Murphy's Laws of Combat, Law #1, "If you take more then your fair share of objectives, you'll have more then your fair share to take." I have become so hardened by the rest of the planet that my passport would be better used as a coaster for my drink then for travel right now.

So maybe, being Number 2 wouldn't be so bad. We could get a rest and maybe get our own house in order. Let someone else send its son's and daughters to far away lands to die for some group that hates you anyway. Let someone else spend billions on flood relief for a bunch of folks who refer to you as "The Great Satan". Yeah, I wanna be the "The Guy", everybody wants to have a Guy. That way you can always say, "Relax, I know this Guy."