"We come to a place and make it a desert, and this we call peace."
Thursday, April 21, 2011
All Better Now
I went and saw the Doc. We have several Docs on staff where I work and I strolled into the office of the eldest Doc and asked for a minute of his time. 1 Hr and 25 minutes later I walked out feeling a bit better. he said the things I thought he would say, PTSD, stress, stunted emotional response, to much compartmentalizing. It all made sense to me so I let him ask his questions and give me his answers. I never gave much thought to most of it before but I concede that maybe I was wrong in that so I'm trying hard to do what he said to do. What did he say to do? Oddly enough, laugh more, cry some and just lighten up. I am....serious to be polite. Intense may be more accurate. So, saying lighten up made sense, because its just not something I do. The logic seems sound. I do feel better, its like he gave me permission not to give a shit about every little detail anymore. Its kinda liberating to be honest. My beautiful wife of 28 years dropped a large bowl of chopped, and sugared strawberries, all ready for application to some very nice vanilla ice cream, right square in the middle of the kitchen floor last night. I can confirm the blast radius of strawberries is about 3 meters. What a mess. There was a time when I would have stressed about it, I would have worried about the waste of 13 dollars worth of strawberries, but last night, I laughed my ass off for a good 10 minutes. It felt great! The shadows seemed to slide further away with each passing second of just plain silly laughter. Doc is right and I am man enough to admit it. Besides I got to clean the strawberries off her legs, she's got great legs so all ends well and is well.